I Used To Be A Murderer

Yes, that’s right: I used to be a murderer. That probably comes as a shock to most of you. I mean, this is Pastor Mary Jo, champion of non-violence and believer in the holiness of all life–Pastor Mary Jo, who doesn’t even eat meat, for crying out loud! Besides, how can someone who was a murderer stop being one? Once a murderer, always a murderer, right?

Let me tell you a story. It could be a parable or a fairy tale… but it isn’t. It really happened, but because it involves people who probably don’t want their personal business bandied all over the internet, and because the details aren’t important, I’m only going to tell you that I was convinced that someone was such a threat to my family that I designed a detailed plan to commit murder if I thought it necessary.

I knew that even contemplating murder was sinful. I knew that it would cause God sorrow, that it would tear my family apart and cause them even more hurt. I knew that I would either be killed myself or go to prison for a very long time; I was willing to pay the price–even though I knew how evil it was.

Fortunately, that “someone” disappeared from the picture and I came to my senses in pretty short order… although I can’t say for certain which came first, his departure or my repentance.

The point is I am not the same person I was when I plotted to take a human life, the life of someone who had value as a child of God and who had people who loved him every bit as passionately as I loved my family. I am not even the same person I was when I felt angry at my spouse earlier this week.

You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire.
(Matthew 5:21-22, RSV)

People who physically commit murder have a possibility of being rehabilitated. In the years that follow sentencing an individual may come to realize the wrongness of what they’ve done, to repent, to “find God, ” to become a better person, to grow. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ” (1 Corinthians 13:11, RSV) When the switch is pulled or the poison injected all of that potential for positive change is destroyed.

Troy Davis may or may not have killed a police officer in 1989. Lawrence Russell Brewer was unquestionably involved in the brutal and racially motivated murder of a black man ten years later. What they have in common is that both were executed on September 21, 2011–one in Georgia, the other in Texas. Their deaths did not serve to resurrect the men who were murdered–Mark MacPhail and James Byrd, Jr. Their executions were not acts of justice; they were acts of retribution.

Thank God, I didn’t act on my sin of the heart. I had a chance to change, to grow, to contribute to the world in a positive way. With just a few different choices… it could have been me. I used to be a murderer.

Why That Color?

You may have noticed that the backdrop of our site has been changing periodically. This is not because we are simply bored, or even just in a flurry of redecorating. We have been changing the background of this site to reflect the liturgical colors of the Christian Year. Not all churches do this, I know, but many do and we thought it would be fun to do on this site as well. If you have ever noticed the seasonal changes in Creation well, then you know that God likes to redecorate from time to time–and so do we here at WWSIC!

The green is up for Ordinary Time, hope you like it. It will be here for a while.

Thoughts on Being Ordained

So I have been ordained for nearly three weeks now. Some have wondered why I haven’t written about this sooner. Well there is the rub. Ordination, while often seen as a destination along the journey to that point, is really just a beginning—the beginning of the work of ministry; the beginning of trying to keep up with God. I was trying to keep up with God before, yes, but truly the last three weeks have been a whirlwind seemingly stuck on fast forward, as it’s going to be a while before things re-approach “normal” speed. God seems to be running a marathon with me as of late! And that’s all okay with me!

God is not only difficult to define or describe, but God is beyond all our definitions and expectations! Just when you think you understand God, God shows God’s self in ways and what you can not understand. God is ineffable. This is part of what I tried to convey in my ordination paper when I termed God a Trickster. I’m so glad Rev. Jerry Lawritson mentioned that in the sermon at my ordination. Ever hear of the yoke of Jeremiah? But, I digress. Or perhaps not.

There are some things about being ordained that I did not expect, and some moments in being ordained that carried great meaning. I’ll speak to the latter. I have to say that one of the unexpected moments of my ordination that continues to carry great meaning was the laying on of hands. I am not going to go into the politics of ordination here, but suffice to say that after all the trials one goes through in “proving” they can meet the requirements of ordination and early ministry, for me—particularly as a disabled woman, reared in poverty, who has been made to feel “less than” most of her life—to hear the congregation say “Yes she is worthy, let us ordain her” and then to see local clergy immediately get up, hover over and encircle me was overwhelming! It was empowering. It was a confirmation that boosted my confidence. And at a certain level it was also a great relief for here I was exactly where I had known for so long I was meant to be AND the community and the clergy acknowledged it! Even if, at the same time, it seemed at some level that it was late in coming, it truly felt meaningful, a moment of awe for me. It was not the confirmation of my call—for what human acts, no matter the ritual history or intent, can confirm the call of God? But it felt as if God was jumping up and down, celebrating because the community “got” the call. It felt like an act of God. And I still feel the awe.

Ordination is worth struggling for. I understand this now in a much more profound way. In churches where women, GLBT, persons with disabilities are not eligible for ordination, ordination is worth struggling for because the call to ministry is not a call of the Church, but a call from and an act of God. For my friends who continue in the ordination process, to friends who have newly received their Masters of Divinity and seek to serve, to the Rev. Elvin Harrison who seeks privilege of call in the UCC tomorrow, to seminarians with disabilities who faithfully struggle to follow their call when the possibility of ordination still seems a hazy dream come to oppress them from a heavenly land let my ordination be an encouragement to you…yes, your ordination is worth struggling for, especially when it seems it might require an act of God! God is with you.

Ordination!

You can call her “Rev.” now.

Kelli beaming with ordination certificate finally in hand.

One relieved girl!

We just got back from the festivities following Kelli’s ordination today—long awaited, and taking just a bit over six years since she was accepted to seminary in April 2005. You can imagine this is a huge victory to claim. After our dinner, she was wiped out, so here I am, ever the journalist for the family…

Held at the church where we both were born into and where we have been baptized and married in, this is a particularly notable day in the history of CCCPB, as Kelli is the only of that congregation to have started so young and followed the long and winding path of faith and formation, all the way to this point.

In attendance were members of CCCPB, Mission Hills UCC (where she interned), other churches in the local UCC Association, friends from United Methodist, Disciples of Christ, Unitarian Universalist, and Presbyterian worlds. Friends from the world of chaplaincy, poetry, and plain ol’ good friends were there to support her too. (A few of the ladies might not know it but they might be contributors to this very site, once the dust settles here!)

For the week, Kelli’s mom Kay Taylor was in town, and brought her autoharp with her. She sang a heart melting rendition of God’s Eye is on the Sparrow for the offertory in the ordination service. We just happened to have a mic on her too!

Over 100 images from the day are now on my Facebook page, and concurrent with all this, we are starting the WomenWhoSpeakInChurch page on Facebook too.

To save you a trip to YouTube, check these out:

Kelli in the midst of the clergy laying hands.

Laying on of hands, clergy and lay folks

Kelli looking sharp with robe and stole.

Kelli after being robed, and having just distributed the bread in her first communion

Kelli serving communion for the first time.

Kelli serving the wine at her first communion as "the Rev."

Off to dinner with MHUCC friends and mama Kay.

Kelli and a number of us from Mission Hills Young Adults, out to dinner to celebrate

Kelli's new chalice and plate for communion

Kelli's new chalice and plate for communion, made from solid stone from Pakistan

Thanks to Phil, Tara, Margie, and Amanda for heroic help.

Hair!

kelli getting her hair straightened for the first time by amandaI am going to call it my “Vicar Do”! That is right, I am writing about ministry and hair style. I did not intend my new do to be an homage to the Vicar of Dibley, and I don’t think it is per se, but now that my hair is cut it does make me think of the Vicar in that hilarious series.

When you think of all that goes into ministry, it seems ridiculous that something like hair style should matter. Yet, for women clergy it does! Let’s not be fooled. How a woman wears her hair has always been an issue in some churches for even the Apostle Paul comments on what women, in the Corinthian church, ought to do with their hair (1 Corinthians 11: 5-6). True, it matters for men as well. But lets face it men’s hair styles are limited to how short one wants it –even if, and I know some male clergy do, the guys want to style and poof the hair it a bit or polish the bald head. No matter how wrong it seems when dealing with issues of justice and spirituality, I have learned the hard way, how one looks effects how one is perceived by those you serve. And often those you serve look at all parts of your life, and yes, there is judgment in that. A negative perception can be disastrous for the unfolding of one’s ministry. That alone makes one’s image an issue of professional development and discernment. BLAH~ it goes against every grain of my being but there it is.

So yes, I got a new hair style today. Personally it was time for a change. Then the hard part started–choosing the new style. How is it the next hair style going to look in the pulpit? Immediately, I heard my preaching professor from seminary critiquing every one of my sermons saying “get the hair out of your eyes!” Certainly something to consider in selecting a new style. But then there is the issue of femininity. Should my hair be longer or shorter, and what do both of those options portray to potential congregations? Will short hair be as big an obstacle as boobs are to being a chaplain to people with different ideas or expectations regarding the role of women? I think women have much to consider when choosing a hair style. At least I do. Will it make me look like someone I am not? Am I willing to risk portraying that to the world? What am I portraying, and is it what I mean? BLAH, again~with the full realization that if I don’t ask someone else will. It’s too reminiscent of when I interviewed for CPE only to be told they would accept me but the committee thought I should “invest in some new clothes and a haircut” before starting the residency. Were they KIDDING me?!? Unfortunately, I am not the only woman clergy person I know to have been told something like this.

kelli looking all sharp and professional with shorter and straight hair. a first for her.Of course, I consulted a friend with far more fashion sense than myself. (Fashion clearly was not one the gifts Spirit gave me, but I have so many others that I don’t care. It takes all of us, so as I understand it I can safely rely on others for help~see 1 Corinthians 12.) This fashion friend well understands my professional role, because she shares it. Of course I trust my hair stylist, too, who knows my vocation and profession. Her name is Bernice, the same name that the Acts of Pilate gives to the hemorrhaging woman in the Gospel of Luke. So I like to think of my hair stylist as a biblical woman when she is working on my hair. It helps me~have I mentioned that not only do I lack the fashion gene but that I just don’t care about things like ‘doing my hair’? BLAH~ but here it is a new hair style, which I think I like. And, yet, as I sit here no one I know has seen the new doo. And as all those question about how it works and the perceptions it gives off are swirling in my mind, unanswered. It strikes me that a life of faith is peppered with moments like this. When we hope for the best, even when we have no idea what may come~let alone how people will react. Perhaps I must just have faith that all shall be well. And if not I guess, in this case, it will grow out.

Welcome!

For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints, let the women keep silent. For it is not permitted for them to speak, but to be in subjection, just as the law says. But if they wish to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home. For it is shameful for women to speak in church.

—1 Corinthians 14:33-35

It isn’t accidental this site has the name it has. Sooner or later, women who speak in church (in particular) have to contend with the infamous few lines in Corinthians that seem to give people with smaller hearts and minds all they need to make a roadblock to the lives we feel called to.

This is about women in professional ministry. It isn’t about your grandma’s Church Women’s Auxiliary group. That is SO last century.

So here we are, filled with the spirit and in joyful defiance. Women Who Speak In Church. Welcome!